he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
