is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
