trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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