You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
