Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
