well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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