her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
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