Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
