I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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