I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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