I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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