just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize