ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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