I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
