it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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