I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
