Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
