My first STD was from a foam party
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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