Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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