So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
