I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
