hotel room ftw
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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