We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I touched a dick in church today
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
