This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
The Olympian is in my bed
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
