he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
