i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
