You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
