I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
