It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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