i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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