go do what you do best...puke behind churches
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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