I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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