i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
