I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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