Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I am naked and annoyed.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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