Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
she smelled like a LAN party
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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