I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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