you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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