Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
