I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
