I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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