she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
