Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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