Whoa Z and x make the same sound
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
