My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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