I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize