i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
