I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
