The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
do herpes really smell.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
