I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
