And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
