whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
This baby is an asshole
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
It's shark week go big or go home
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
