I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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