On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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