Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
