No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
