3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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