farters have to be the big spoon...
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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