Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
