I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
