I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
