Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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