I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
