Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
