omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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