these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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