I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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