FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
