And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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