I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
