**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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