remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
