Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
