I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
