We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
