my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
