Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
