My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
