i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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