I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
